Posted by on Tuesday, July 26th, 2005

I can’t wait I can’t wait!  The felt version of Ultuna is in the washer right now, hopefully binding itself tightly together into a stable, funny hat.  I was busting my hump last night to get this thing to come together.  I’m sure it’s harder to make in steel, but it hasn’t been easy in wool.  Fingers crossed . . .

In the meantime, I am playing amateur veterinarian.  I am bit ashamed to say it, but my dog, well, he doesn’t mean any harm.  I’m sure of it.  But Kayo is a lion maimer.  And he has a problem with (stuffed) dog aggression.  He can shake the dickens, and the stuffing, out of his less, um, mobile friends in a heartbeat.

Here is how it starts.  We come home from work, and Kayo wants to play fetch.  But it’s dangerously hot outside, and Kayo is great at fetching but not so much with the not fetching.  He can’t stop, and he’ll run himself sick in no time.  He has a very heavy coat.  I should spin him.  Anyway, we come home, he wants to play fetch, we play very briefly, and then he mopes, like this:

Surrounded by toys.  Notice the two green lions?  We’ll get to that.  He mopes, until one of us . . .

Cracks, falling for the classic “evil carnivore posing as sad innocent puppy” ploy.   Notice the huge belly wound in the lion.  He needs medical care, and soon.  Anyway, I throw the lion.  And then?  Then Kayo’s all

Like that, with the shaking and the maiming.  The lion is best for this, what with the floppy rope arms and legs.  Apparently, dogs find the sensation of being beaten about the head and neck with the limbs of a prey species very satisfying.   You’ll have to ask them–I, for one, don’t get it.

Here, I should point out that Kayo theoretically has what is called a “soft mouth.”  It’s a thing you breed into retrievers, so they don’t maim the ducks they are supposed to be obediently delivering unto their owners–you know, those nice people with the guns who will trade a delicious, juicy raw duck for a stupid liver treat and a pat on the head.  Oh, the injustices suffered by our underpaid working dogs!  Anyway, despite his breeding Kayo is not a duck dog, braving the icy waters of the Chesapeake–he shakes the heck out of whatever he fetches.  And I don’t think the lion finds Kayo’s mouth soft.  Because Kayo has big scary teeth.  Quite frequently, I find myself lining up the injured in my ad hoc animal clinic.

See the maniacal look on his Kayo’s face?  The predatory set of his ears?  He’s anxious for me to throw one of these.  He needs treatment–seriously, we need to have an intervention for him, and one for our nip-head of a cat, but that’s another story.   Until Kayo gets a lion, he’ll follow me around and mumble and grumble and whine until I just can’t stand it anymore.  I can only take both lions for about ten minutes before he, well, I don’t know what he’d do after ten minutes because I’ve never kept both of the lions away from him that long.  We rotate lions.  I’m an enabler.  I know it.  So I decide which lion needs more care and round up the other frightened, injured (stuffed) animals, and begin mending, leaving the other lion to take more abuse.  At times, I have to transplant one of the lion’s most vital organs: the squeaker.  Today, it’s just sutures.  Sans anesthesia, or even sterile conditions.

After the mending comes the trip to the washing machine.  Which can happen now because Felt-tuna is out of the washer.  And I think it’s pretty darn funny.  I think it’s too small for its intended recipient, but it fits perfectly inside the Ultuna repro Richard made me.
Steel funny helmet:

Wool funny helmet:

Oh, and if you know who’s getting the hat, shuuuush, mmmkay?

Filed in felting,sewing | 3 responses so far

3 Responses to “Patience/Patients”

  1. DeAnnon 27 Jul 2005 at 4:22 pm 1

    That is all toooo funny. Our dachshund does the same thing. I’ve given up getting her fuzzy toys. She now has to have plastic toys, because the fuzzy ones last only one day. She is quite the hunter and finds every gopher hole and tells us about them. If she actually catches one of the critters, she eats them, yuck. Same with birds.

    Ok, what kind of helmet is that you’re wearing???? And what possessed you to make a wooly one???
    I almost bought a “Knights who say Ni” (Nee??) helmet from the What On Earth Catalog. I’ll probably still do it and donate it to daughter’s drama dept. at school since all of the kids are obsessed by Monty Python.

    Funny, funny.

  2. lellaon 28 Jul 2005 at 1:36 am 2

    Oh my, and no one has turned your dog in to the ASPCT?

    You are definitely a heroine for the triage… such a tender hearted soul you are. =0)

  3. laneaon 28 Jul 2005 at 8:02 am 3

    Please don’t report Kayo–he doesn’t mean to hurt them!

    The helmet is a reproduction of a 7th Century helmet from Sweden that my pal Richard made for me, because he makes badass helmets for living history types for a living (I should add another dependent clause for good measure and maximum confusion). It is, by far, one of the coolest presents I’ve ever gotten. I do living history. And I make nutso hats (see the Hat Mafia link up above) because it makes me and my friends laugh maniacally, so I made a felt replica of the helmet. But I think I have to do it over again because it seems way to small for the recipient.

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