Me like stuff. Unka.

Posted by on Wednesday, May 31st, 2006

We have reached that time of year again . . . that time of year when the festival looms so large that I completely fail to accomplish the simplest of tasks.   This year, what with those thugs rolling me in the alley and making me la presidente, it’s worse than usual.  This year, I’m so blotto I can barely muster an opinion.  And I’m made of opinions.   I fear for my soul, I tell you.

Normally, I can write well and clearly about my opinions.   Well, clearly things aren’t normal at the moment.  Huge festival, right there, with my name attached to it in big, scary letters.  Big truck repair bill.  Back injury (all better now, thank goodness) messing with my long weekend.   Confirmed proof that Yarrow, my beloved but evil kitten, eats wool.  Mother-in-law coming for a visit during and after big scary festival.  The weather is suddenly very hot.  Not enough vodka in this house, I say, and certainly something must be done about the fact that I have no bitter lemon into which to pour vodka.  Blasted minions.   Let’s put that at the top of the list:

  1. Must replace all minions with much better, more motivated minions.    Requires finding any operating minions.
  2. Must cleanse kitten’s evil soul.  Mr. Kittenpants is truly causing trouble, what with the wool eating.  We think he knows just enough about Aes and has hearing just good enough that, well, he has started saying "Muharhar" in his sleep.  Aes, what have you been teaching Yarrow with your mind-bullets?  Didn’t the hat buy some modicum of wool safety?
  3. Must buy bitter lemon, and lots of it.  The cleaning will be more fun that way.
  4. Must weed garden really a lot, so as to dispel neighborhood view that we’ve gone over to the dark, meth-producing side. 
  5. Must make the only decent closet in the house into an actual closet, with a rod and everything.
  6. Must resist urge to fill new lovely functioning closet with my own clothes until after wonderful Mother-in-Law visits, so as to be a good host.
  7. Watch Deadwood DVDs, for procrastination’s sake.  (This is that easy thing I add to a list, so I feel like I’m getting something done).
  8. Must knit more confounded wool socks, despite ridiculous heat wave.

In the meantime, here are some near-opinions:

Knitting Rules: The Yarn Harlot’s Bag of Knitting Tricks by Stephanie Pearl McPhee.  Love it.  Love word after giggling word of it.  And, because I read it on the metro, I love it even more because women who guffaw when no one is speaking to them while also wielding pointy metal sticks and reading generally get the whole set to ourselves.  Wheeeee–no one is sitting on my leg!  Double whopping warrior points, my friends.

The Tall Woman by Wilma Dykeman.   This is one of the classics of Appalachian lit.  And it’s out of print.  So I feel cruel telling you how good it is.  I waited several years for a copy to come to me.  It was worth the wait.  The novel follows our heroine, whose name I have honestly forgotten (forgive me, I have a huge heavy festival on my skull), from before the civil war, through marriage and motherhood, and on for a good while there.  Great language in the book, and the women in it are always knitting or spinning or sewing, so it gets extra points from me.  I’ll read it again when my brain is working at full speed.

Elizabethtown.   Cameron Crowe loves to kick my ass.  Seriously.  Loves it.  Why Cameron?  Why?  This film is about a young man named Drew, played by Orlando Bloom (not a fan of him, normally) whose life falls apart, and then his Dad dies, and then he gets sent to fix everything, and he’s surrounded by his father’s family whom he really doesn’t know.  It made me cry a lot, in a good way.  And it’s a love story, in which Drew falls in love with, er, Claire, played by Kirsten Dunst (who I’m not a fan of either), a gabby flight attendant.  Good music.  Deliciously manipulative subject matter for those of us with estranged families.   Solid performances from actors I’m not wild about, including Alec Baldwin who I normally really really dislike, but who is brilliant here.  And Paul Schneider, who I’ve never seen before–great job, kiddo.  Give him work, people.  Serious southern hippie charisma, there.  Matthew McConaughey has has his turn, already. 

American Massacre, by Sally Denton.  This is a pop-history book about a really terrible event in American history, which most of us never learned about in high school.  In 1857, a wagon train was ambushed in Southern Utah as it was heading towards California.  Most of the people in the caravan were murdered, a few of the children were kidnapped, all of the valuables were stolen or destroyed.  According to many historians and the author, the attack was ordered by none other than Brigham Young, leader of the Mormons.  Denton has gotten a fair amount of flack for some holes in her research and a pretty clear bias.  Nonetheless, I think this book is a great jumping-off point for those who want to learn about the settlement of Utah.  To my mind, the most interesting aspect of the issue is the relationship between the Paiutes, Mormon settlers, and the US government.  No matter what else you think about the event, it’s pretty clear that the Paiutes have gotten the short end of the stick for as long as Europeans have been settling that section of North America. 

Filed in Books,Film | 6 responses so far

6 Responses to “Me like stuff. Unka.”

  1. Aeson 01 Jun 2006 at 8:05 am 1

    Don’t blame the kitten on me! Sure, I foretold the evil, but you rejected my diagnosis, and I skulked back to my cave, assuming the curse of Cassandra. Then, the truth becoming evident at last (wool eating will out!) you proceed to kill the messenger. (Hmm, how many prophets can I be at one time?)

    I feel for ya, for he is of a cuteness most awesome, and your house is packing flocks worth of wool, which I want you to have because you make (me) beautiful things. Perhaps he could be fitted with a tiny Hannibal Lecter-like muzzle?

    (which, by the way, I totally stole from Sig)

  2. laneaon 01 Jun 2006 at 8:32 am 2

    See, he wasn’t eating wool at first. That’s why I think, just maybe, he heard you typing about Etaine’s sister’s wool-eating cat, and thought he’d give it a taste. But I truly believe the evil was born in him. It always is. He was just looking for direction in his kittening.

    Or maybe there is a cabal of wool-eating cats, and Etaine’s sister’s cat heard we got a pint lion and send him a message about the tastiness of wool. That could be.

    I like the muzzle idea. I like it a lot. Particularly since I’ve seen him open doors a few times now. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel safe at all.

  3. Lissaon 01 Jun 2006 at 6:04 pm 3

    Hey, Goddess – if you’ve been trying to reach me by email, you can’t. Someone hacked my paypal account, stole every nickel I owned, and then hacked my Yahoo account, so I can’t access my email. Can you please call me and tell me what’s going on with the spinning workshop?


  4. The Purloined Letteron 02 Jun 2006 at 4:16 am 4

    We’re looking forward to the festival so much! When I went to check out the homepage, I had quite a surprise: the child in the chainmail etc. in the upper left corner is my son! His “kilt” is actually a girl’s school uniform….

    Can you remind me where and when the spindle workshop is? I could not find it in my brief journey around the site.

  5. laneaon 02 Jun 2006 at 8:36 am 5

    How funny! He’s wearing my helmet and holding my sword.

    The spindle workshop is on the Garran stage, which is near the front gate, at 11:30 on Saturday.

  6. lellaon 05 Jun 2006 at 1:07 am 6

    If I tell you how much fun I’ve had reading this, it will seem redundant, but what the heck, redundancy is my forte.

    The Redundant, and Highly Invisible One.

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