1. Sangria helps. So does delivered food. Hot kitchens ruin everything in July.

2. Unplug the damn iron dammit! What’re you trying to sweat us all to death? Crimeny–the puppy can’t stop panting.

3. Enclose yourself and your beloved window AC unit in a region of the home that has doors. Trap yourself and those deserving of comfort in that region. Laugh at the sweating non-believers.

4. You know how we used to love wool? Well, wool betrayed us. We don’t talk to wool anymore. Wool knows what it did. We shall reconsider wool’s role in this family in September or October. Maybe. No guarantees. Wool-silk is a collaborator and we know it. Wool-silk knows it. No one here is above suspicion.

5. Prepare the necklines on all tunics and dresses and hand-finish them before bothering with sleeves or side seams or any of that nonsense. A well-faced neckline is a neckline that doesn’t itch, and we’ve all itched enough thanks to that damn heat and those fracking bugs.

6. Linen is not to be trusted. It comes apart at the seams like that coworker of yours who cries at every single meeting. Finish your seams to prevent fraying, because fraying seams are itchy seams, and that is un-fracking-tenable.

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